The comments I love the most are the ones that simply express support for me. Showing me that the reader has read my whole blog, was moved by it somehow, and is keeping me in their thoughts. I especially love hearing from people going through the same thing even though I would not wish this experience on anyone else. Another type of comment I love is the type where a person gives me advice that is actually good advice that I have never thought of before myself. That does not happen often but it has happened, and I appreciate it when it happens.
A very great percentage of the comments fall into the category of comments that I tolerate. This means that there is something unhelpful about the comment but I know that it is not the commenter's fault that he was unhelpful. I had this most when the blog first became popular and I only had a few posts and there were many things I had not yet explained about my situation. I cannot fault someone for trying to help me but missing the mark because they do not have all the information. At the beginning I also had many commenters who were not Orthodox and really did not understand where I was coming from, but they felt bad for me and wanted to help so I cannot blame them for missing the mark. I am happy that there are so many people in the world who want to help even if they do not understand how.
Sometimes a person gives advice that I try something that I have already tried. But I may not have written on the blog that I have tried it because I am trying to protect my anonymity. So how were you supposed to know? Or perhaps I have mentioned it on the blog but it is buried in a post somewhere and I know it is unrealistic to expect that everyone who visits this blog will carefully read every post before leaving a comment. Still it is the tone of some comments that bothers me where the commenter seems to think they know something about me when I have never said anything about it on the blog one way or another.
So I am not upset about those types of comments but I do have two requests for the future.
1) Before offering advice try to read as much of the blog as you can so you will be more knowledgable of the nuances of my situation. If you do not have time for that then I understand. I am asking because sometimes when you ask you recieve.
2) Please remember that I have a daily life that is unrelated to being shomer negiah, sexual frustration, or anything else on this blog. It is very funny to me that people think they must know what I am like only on the basis of this blog. Do you know I have been in situations where people talked to me about this blog without realizing that I am her? They say "I know you are not Nice Jewish Girl because you are ____ while she is _____" (fill in the blanks with whatever opposites you like) because they assume that the blog says everything about me.
According to people who have talked about my blog in my presence, I definitely live outside New York, I definitely live in Brooklyn, and I definitely live on the Upper West Side. I am obviously Modern Orthodox, obviously Yeshivish, obviously a baalas teshuvah, and obviously frum from birth. I am clearly intelligent, clearly popular, clearly have no friends, and clearly am a loser. Well I guess that clears everything up. :-)
There is the third type of comment which is the type I cannot tolerate. It does not happen often. I do not usually for example delete comments no matter how ridiculous I might find them because perhaps they will help someone else or just as a testament to the variety of people in the world.
However when the same commenter consistently leaves unhelpful advice in an all-knowing tone and then starts advising things that not only are dirty and dangerous and possibly illegal but also is something that I have said about 50 times in this blog that I will not do, then I just cannot take it anymore.
And so I respectfully request . . . no I take that back I demand that the person who calls himself NeedsABetterJob stop commenting on this blog. Do not leave a comment to apologize. Do not leave a comment to explain yourself. Do not take on another pseudonym and continue commenting under another name. Just go away.
But to everyone else, thank you for visiting my blog.