Sunday, February 20, 2005

Why Shomer Negiah

I guess if anyone ever finds this blog their first question will be “why in the world are you (still) shomer negiah?” So I’ll start with that. But first you have to understand why I became shomer negiah in the first place.

I did not grow up in an environment where being shomer negiah was expected of anyone. When I was young it was something that I heard about from friends in camp, school, and other Jewish places where I met people my own age, but not everyone was actually S.N. Some were, and some thought it was silly. Most were S.N. by default, because they didn’t know enough boys to not be S.N. with! But there were always the rumours about classmates and other acquaintances who had done things they shouldn’t have – making out, and sometimes (much) worse. I never gave it much thought actually because I was one of the “S.N. by default” girls. It wasn’t a practical question.

When I was around 17 I saw that the kinds of girls I admired were all shomer negiah. I wanted to be like them, a “good girl,” and so I declared myself S.N. too. Later, I learned more about the textual/halachic basis for it. Since keeping halacha was important to me (still is) it just confirmed my decision.

If you’d asked me in my twenties why I was S.N., I would’ve said because that is the Jewish law. I was definitely very attracted to men and thought about kissing and sex a lot. I mean a lot! I remember saying once to a frum friend of mine that if the voice of G-d suddenly announced that pre-marital sex was OK, all of us would jump into bed immediately. She agreed.

But now I wonder how much of it wasn’t exactly that we wanted to keep the halacha, but instead the halacha being an excuse for something else. Just a few decades ago, if a girl was uncomfortable about going “too far” with a boy, she could say “I can’t do this, my father would kill me,” and the boy knew that this meant he was dealing with a “good girl” and had to back off. But now, a girl who says that is called a prude. If a girl says “I don’t want to get any more physical with you because I’m not ready, because I’m scared” or “because I’m too young,” then the guy can just laugh and say What is your problem? What is the matter with you?

So, maybe being S.N., when I was younger, was a way to say “I don’t want to do sexual things because I’m too young or I’m not ready or I’m scared.” A way to tell boys “We can date, but I won’t do anything physical with you until I know that you really love me and will stay with me, because you’ve married me.” Only instead of saying all that the words we used were “I’m shomer negiah” because that is an acceptable way of saying it in our culture, instead of “My father would kill me.”

Now that I’m writing this, I wonder how much this was true for the religious boys, also? Of course they also would have said they are S.N. because that is the halacha, but was it really to keep Jewish law, or was part of them scared that without the halacha, they’d be cads who would hurt people? Were they also afraid of being sexual? I hear jokes sometimes about S.N. people being homosexual or frigid. I know that’s not true for me. But to give up so much for religion . . . is it beautiful, holy? Or maybe just a little crazy? Are people afraid of being sexual because they are shomer negiah? Or maybe are they shomer negiah because they are afraid of being sexual? Would that be such a crime?

Anyway since I’m being so honest here I should write that technically I’m not completely S.N. anymore. In my (non Jewish) work environment, I am often in a position to give encouragement to other people – sometimes I will pat someone on the shoulder or even accept a hug, even if they are a man. These people do not know about the S.N. rules, and it’s not sexual at all. They are just expressing gratitude or friendliness. To them it is like breathing. It’s never romantic or sexual. So I still consider myself S.N., because that is how I conduct myself with dates and with men in the religious Jewish community.

Even though it has been difficult, I’m usually not sorry that I’ve been S.N. all this time. I know single women who have not been and they are just as sexually thirsty and lonely as I am. And I know women who have had pre-marital sex and then broken up with the man and they feel very bad. But my feelings about it have changed.

A lot of time passed and I was still single. I got very depressed. I wanted to be touched by a man. I want to kiss and cuddle, and I want to have sex. I decided a few years ago that if I dated someone long enough, then even if we weren’t engaged yet I’d probably, how shall we say, “make out” with him, even though I want to get married before having sexual intercourse. But I haven’t dated anyone long enough to trust him enough.

You see, once someone has gone through so much time being S.N., then anything I might do with a man I was dating becomes much, much more important. The first man I kiss, for me it will be like what having sex for the first time is for some other women. For me it will be very significant. I’m not going to waste that on someone I’ve only met a few times.

On one hand, I’m not as committed to this halacha as I used to be. But on the other hand my sensitivity to being touched, in any sort of romantic or sexual way, is now so high that to be not S.N. with someone I don’t know well would – feel cheap.

Probably I’ll continue to be S.N. until I’m in a serious relationship. When will that be? What if it is never?


Anonymous shanna said...

Now that I’m writing this, I wonder how much this was true for the religious boys, also? Of course they also would have said they are S.N. because that is the halacha, but was it really to keep Jewish law, or was part of them scared that without the halacha, they’d be cads who would hurt people? Were they also afraid of being sexual?

Or maybe they were afraid of being hurt. Not all men (as I'm sure you know) are testosterone-driven beasts who will stomp on anyone and everyone in their paths on the way to fulfilling their sexual needs. Some (many, most) are deep-down, just as sensitive about and emotionally invested in sexual activity as their female counterparts. Perhaps being S.N. is their socially acceptable way of not playing the "Score!" game. but I don't think that's the same as just not wanting to hurt people.

3/28/2005 09:27:00 AM  
Blogger Yiddish Blogger said...

So, maybe being S.N., when I was younger, was a way to say “I don’t want to do sexual things because I’m too young or I’m not ready or I’m scared.

I don't know you personally but from knowing someone very close in my family who seemingly was in your situation, it seems to me that while it probably started out with the kinds of girls I admired, as you became older it become more of the scared part.

I also think that it ties in to the last part you said that even the small things have to be special now. I remember my family member saying, "I have gotten this far now I really have to find the perfect man because I don't have the time anymore to 'try'."

While I do think that intimate relationships should always be kept for after marriage, I don't think that a hug from a friend (not just non-Jewish or business related) breaks the SN. Of course the word Negiah means touching but I think the essence of the term is the limit and the circumstances.

I wish you to find your bashert very soon!

3/28/2005 01:53:00 PM  
Blogger Lyss said...

I wish you luck.
Alternate title for the blog might be Never Been Kissed....

3/28/2005 09:24:00 PM  
Anonymous My very honest self said...

I know one S.N. that discovered in her 50 she loves me and I am a female. Is it all about boys do not come closer or you too are unsure what you want. In any case, it is good you have collected courage and you go out with it. My advice would be: do not stay too long on this site. Move on with your life and take day by day until you realize what you actually want. Good luck!

4/25/2005 09:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck. I know it's really difficult having never been kissed. Although you aren't allowed to kiss until you're married, I can tell you that you're first kiss, even if it's with a guy you don't plan or aren't sure about marrying is amazing. Don't lose hope but get yourself out there. Join a singles club. Also, remember that love is everywhere and although it's wrong, the right guy might not be SN or even Orthodox. Just keep in mind that if you were meant to be, he'd become more religious for you.

5/26/2005 03:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just be who u are . and if the opporunity arises dont be afraid to explore it . u could decide again to be s. n. or not, but its not as scary as u think. anyway i blame all the self richeous frummies who try to blame me for my singlehood for my own giving up of my shomer negiah hood.

5/27/2005 07:31:00 PM  
Blogger Gufle said...

hi shomrei en
i am 38 and never been kissed or had a serious relationship. being shomeir neiga or not has made no difference to me [i've had times when i was and times when in theory i wouldn't have been] as its all academic - no one has ever shown any interest. It does get me down but i can't spend the rest of my life being depressed about what has not happened but make the best of what has/is. We make our own life with hashem's help.

6/17/2005 07:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Godol Hador said...

I have no sympathy for you because you are careidi.

8/05/2005 06:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just expressing my support for your "Future Intentions" re; taharas mishpocho: I am a 50 yr old frum married woman with strong sexual drive, and long story short, my husband and I would often kiss and pleasure each other, at my initiation, but not have sex except after the requisite mikvah time.
It's clearly not halachic but I agree with you: G-d will be angry at me for more important matters, a choice like that kept me happy and productive in my marriage.

9/08/2005 01:44:00 PM  
Anonymous just another said...

just another

9/12/2005 08:03:00 PM  
Anonymous just another post said...

Well, from a frum guy’s perspective, the whole thing just boils down to one thing. It is ironic how my own life went on hold for years because I just wanted 'that first kiss' again.
But being a hashkafic mess, or perhaps a guy with really strong drives, my entire energy has been spent (for a long long time now) telling myself not to go back to those clubs or bars or gigs, or mix socially too much with all those girls which are too easy.

As a frum J this is my test, this is something that I really hope is worth waiting for as I really believe I made a huge sacrifice l'ishma, cause no matter what you wish to say, we all have choices and your _choice_ has been to be s.n.

I told myself if by 28 I haven’t found a nice frum - openminded - frum J girl, then I will just go back on the scene, but this is my tactics for running, not smoking etc, set a goal to get through the moment then automatically extend it as soon as the goal is reached. To be honest I really hope to make it to my mid 30's without throwing my arms in the air and saying, enough.

BUT to have a personal rant here, will you girls just chill with your pigheadedness and your selfishness. You really make it hard to choose one of you. None of you seems appealing to a man. Be a lady. Be frum, be CONSIDERATE and don’t live in the bubble which seems to define present day yiddishkeit.

Um K’shaiy Oref - But to prove the rule, Be the exception.
From London

9/12/2005 08:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Some Iyer dude said...

As a single male in his late 20s who's never been kissed (mathematics PhD, work, etc..) I'm fastly approaching your problem. I don't know what to do regarding my personal life as the big three-oh approaches. I found your posting very reassuring in the commiserating sense. I'm not Jewish, however; but as a Hindu there are a few overlapping problems.. at least, Google seems to think so by returning many jewish pages. My main problem is that I lose interest in relationships quickly.. or at least, I lose interest in the idea of a relationship. Months can go by where I'm blissfully single. Then, a singular event can ransack my paradise. Namely, a wedding I recently went to has thrown ideas into my head I've done well without. So here I am, detoxifying from a weekend of seeing extroverted, happy people; and now I'm sulkily wondering why watching another SG-1 episode and reading about the fastest graphics processor don't put a smile on me like they once did. Nothing like a whiff of true happiness to infuse me with gloom. I feel I can now empathize with King Tantalus, or, more close to the heart, those bears at zoos who starve themselves, refusing to eat zoo sludge after tasting the delicious, calorific knickknacks from General Mills. My only recourse is to submit to parents and go through an arranged marriage, but as someone who grew up in Connecticut, that idea seems frighteningly Borg-like.

9/13/2005 12:10:00 AM  
Anonymous some iyer dude said...

Don't ask me how, but that previous comment was supposed to go to your why-blog post and not this one.. 'eh, oh well, I'll post again.

9/13/2005 12:23:00 AM  
Blogger still realizing said...

There is no guarantee that following Halacha will yield a reward in this life. That "Magic" first kiss et cetera will be what it will be.

Obviously, find a good marriage broker to make introductions and meet men your age interested in marriage. Possibly show this blog to your Rabbi and/or the marriage broker.

Have children while you still can.

I'm guessing you're not physically attractive. Or at least you don't think you are. Speaking as a man in his fifties I'll tell you that doesn't have to be an obstacle. I've known a few very homely women who were very popular with guys because of their positive attitude. Not promiscuous, but pro-male as well as being pro-self. Of course, make the most of your appearance.

Get to the point where you can tell a prospective groom that you feel a need for a husband/lover/man. Attitude makes all the difference in the world to a man. Men aren't afraid of marriage, they're afraid of divorce. Don't bother with "Social dating", it only leads one place and that's the wrong place. Better to be aggressively pro-marriage than start in the wrong direction. Chana prayed for children so you can too.

It's even possible that you may need to get married more than once. You're socially ignorant for your age and might end up with the wrong guy. Better to get divorced and remarried than "Play house".

I'm guessing you're shy. If men seem uninterested and you think he might be a good prospect engage him in conversation and find out. Be a little aggressive (unless people have been telling you that you're already too aggressive!). Often the most attractive thing about a woman is her feelings, her needs, her vulnerability.

I've only been Ba'al Tshuva for 10 years or so and I know a lot more about women than most Orthodox men my age. Maybe the reason my personal path worked out the way it did is to help you?

10/09/2005 07:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

look there are guys in the same boat... not all guys are built to go for everything and are just as lonely. your neglected job is to talk to all and not just the one attractive guy out of 40. that one attractive guy is taken and when you can look past him and move to the other ones you haven't given a chance to is when you wont be can't meet people in a bubble

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the first moment I meet this girl I immediately saw something special in her. she would work in the same place in the library every day and after two weeks of simply passing her and being too embarrased to say anything I finally I had an oppurtunity to introduce myself to her. After getting to know her a little better I only became more convinced that she was really the person I wanted to spend as much time as I could with. Eventually I mustered the courage to ask her out and then after a day or so of discussing it, I was left heartbroken. Semi depressed as I feel right now. As she stood there in front of me, with her beautiful smile, and her straight blakc hair lying gently on her shoulders, and her eyes... I told her I wish I could hug her right now, but I couldn't. I am SN, and she isn't. we spoke a liitle further and seperated.
Moments after hanging up after having come to the one sided (her) conclusion that thingsvwouldn't work out I could still not accept her answer. I called back and began to suggest that there were perhaps levels of SN, but shevtold me then that she could not let me do that for her...I hung up the phone and beegan to cry.
So now I sit alone and ponder to myself "why am I SN? I googled SN and reading your blog made me even more curious. I think I was probably someone who was SN by my religous crowd accepted it so did I, but I never really attributed that much meaning to it? So now my one saving grace is that I stuck to my "principle" but what was the principle to which I stuck? How can we be expected to have relationship with someone if cannot hug them and let them know that they are so special to you?
For me it is too late because I can no longer tell her that I am not SN she will not let me. So to some extent I ought to salvage what I can andbe proud of the fact that Ivdid not compromise my values. But at the same time I am really confused about what the values are?

11/21/2005 03:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Jewish Girl is a MALE. What a fraud!!! Read all 'her' posts and you will realise the truth.

Well written blogs in any event!

12/14/2005 06:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Male S.N. said...


I'm Jewish orthodox male, 42, virgin. I sympathise.
I've been S.N. for over 18 years.
It's tough. Very tough.
I've gone through similar feelings.
And worse. Much worse.
I respect your candour. There are some things just too painful to talk about. But I hope and pray that you tell all to Hashem; He knows and understands perfectly.

Blogland should be handled very carefully. Tzenius is very important- in thought, speech and action.

Perhaps there are other causes to your depression, and better ways of addressing those: I've been there too. I would suggest lots more Ahavas Yisroel Mitsvos-with Mesirus Nefesh, B'Chol M'Odecha. Orthomolecular treatments are wonderful. Eg. Vit B6, B12, folic acid, Omega-3 oils, lots of water, exercise, swimming, comedy and humour, etc., etc.

BTW, did your father ever kiss you? You shouldn’t answer that, if it’s too painful. I apologise in advance, if it is.

Though I may not have yet met the other half of my soul, I still feel intimately connected to her on some deep level. Like you, and many others, I hope that we can meet soon.

Perhaps your Bashert is also sending you angels to deliver imaginary hugs, kisses and Brochas from him? IMHO that's another aspect of love. And that's what we really need from each other - True Love and respect.

Could I also humbly suggest that, should you wish to continue, you might consider changing the background color of your blog to something lighter?

Lastly, shouldn't the correct term be for a female be "Shomeret" Negiah? ;-)

G-d Bless.

Many people love you. But we can and should all be more loving.

PS. I just saw some more recent posts. It would now be more accurate for you to change your description to something like: "Recently Kissed For First Time".

1/14/2006 02:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've liked a shomer negiah boy for a while. I myself am not, and he knows that, and he also likes he's "deciding" what he should do. But i think about it all the time. Even though i really really like him would I be able handle the fact that i woulndt even be able to hug him?

3/04/2006 01:38:00 PM  
Blogger nakita said...

i know how you feel. I may only be in my late twenties but it has been a struggle for me too. It seems life in london is very much the same as in the US. I cant tell you how many 'wooses' I have been out with. By the way a 'woose' is a 'wet lettuce'. Bascially a boy who doesnt knows what he whats out of life, wont open up to you, boring, not stable, and fundamentally not a man. Ahhh to find man would be amazing. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here in London there are very few. Also a 'woose' lacks one other vital ingrediant 'a sense of humour'. These qualities, stable, humour I think are very important when finding a man to spend your life with. While I am on my soapbox, I feel that men or should I say boys dont understand girls/women. They are brought up too spoilt with mummy and daddy, get a job, live with guys until they reach there 30's and think oh may i should settle down. There dont realise that females are serious when we say that our biological clock is ticking. This is why men have 'time-bound mitzvahs' - to teach them how to use a clock. Its alright for a man he can father child at practically any age, Charlie Chaplin fathered one at 80. So I say to you that it is not your fault you are in this state of affairs. A while ago an article was published in a Jewish paper in London. It commented on perticular neighbourhoods around the world that seemed to have a high amount of Jewish singles living in it, i.e Katamon in Israel, and an apartment block in Hendon, London known as Danescroft. The woman who wrote the article must have been married and in her early twenties, because she said that woman of today would rather concentrate on their careers than finding a man. What absolute rubbish, woman only say that to take the spotlight of them, I should have written back in disgust but, should have would have...never mind. Anyway, what all this shows us is that we are not alone and it is very difficult to meet that special someone frum or not frum. Life is for living so dont let it get you down. i hope Israel is turnnig out to be a good idea it helped me i hope it will help you. and the puppy?
i know how you feel. i am from london nearing my 30's, up until a few months ago i didnt know what to think about how everyone is suppose to have a beshert. I believed it but wanted to know how it really felt to finally find him. To share love and life with someone else. I am not sure if this is what what you want to hear or if life has suddenly turned around for you as well, but when it does and it will knock you senseless.

3/29/2006 05:34:00 AM  
Anonymous not so frum anymore said...

I've been doing a lot of thinking on this very topic in the past few months of my life, which led me to google the words 'shomer negiah' which led me, of course, here. I was fascinated by your posts, and by how they resonate so much...
I was staunchly, almost arrogantly, shomer negiah my whole life, suffering from it, yes, but resolute nonetheless. I always saw myself as someone who would never go that route - I was too frum for it. But recently I turned 28, and recently I dated someone with whom the opportunity for a physical relationship presented itself - and I surprised myself by dropping the whole shomer negiah thing in a heartbeat. I was shocked by my lack of guilt, by my intense relief, by the flimsiness of my convictions (which I had thought to be firm and genuine)... But mostly, I felt awakened. I felt reborn. A close friend told me I seemed different to her, more open, more relaxed, more confident. Beforehand, yes, I felt hideous aloneness and cravings for tender human touch, whether sexual or plain-old affectionate, I had raging hormones and horniness and no satisfying outlets, but still, I didn't realize, until the first second my hand touched his, that a part of my human soul had been dead or frozen, that I was in partial suspended animation. It was like suddenly and immediately being able to speak Mandarin, this sudden introduction to a huge slice of humanness I had been denied access to until now, to the unique display of love and caring that can only be transmitted through touch. I couldn't believe what I'd been missing out on. I couldn't believe what my religion had caused me to become... I'm in a strange place now, because he and I are still seeing each other, long after it is clear that we are not ultimately compatible, neither of us willing to break off this relationship. I know it's a form of sabotage, and I know it's deeply irreligious to be perpetuating this, but I can't go back to how it was... to the emptiness of before. Unfortunately, my views on our religion are shaky now; I am skeptical. I can't understand how such laws can be put in place, that end up damaging human spirits and developments and causing grievous damage in some individuals. I am more whole now than I ever was before. And more conflicted...

9/04/2006 02:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its so sad to see some of the posts on this site, from people who claim they are no longer frum and dont keep shomer negiah. I really cant blame many of the people who write these things. I dont think they realise that the Yetzer HaRah is basically so extremely powerfull in today's world, and sexual urges are basically the greatest yetzer HaRah that we as jews experience. We must fight this, Jewish women must keep their modesty and maintain there pride and Jewish men must realise that they are Bnei Torah and violating G-ds Torah. Stay strong, there is a spiritual war out there and we must fight it- and stay Tahor

10/28/2006 04:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I keep shomer negiah as well, but at 15 and in public highschool it's often ridiculed. I'm constantly tempted... there was a very nice conservative girl but when I told her that the first time we would touch would be when I put the wedding ring on her finger she well... she didn't take to it. So dispite my loneliness, I think that i'm making the right choice by following HaShem and the halachos.

Thank you for your story.

2/22/2007 02:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why do you use the term "sn by default>" its so backwards . i chose to be sn. i think it will make me a person more connected to HASHEM . why do i need to allowe a man to touch kiss hug me in order to feel good adn worth it.
i remain with my dignity as a bas israel and will wait for my bashert while putting in the most possible hishtadlus.
hatzlachaa in the fututr.

8/01/2007 07:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know that I sometimes have doubts about why I took on certain restrictions. I am certain that we make many decisions without understanding our motives at the time. A true test of whether it was a worthwhile decision is whether we could publicly declare before those we love and admire such as our parents and grandparents, our rabbis and moreh that we have done something not according to Torah or halacha.

1/13/2008 01:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i see that no one has written on this blog in a while but i was searching for more info on shomer negiah and it popped up. whether or not the original writer is male or female, the text and these comments are powerful in the sense that they embody a whole range of Jewish observance in terms of holy and societal acceptance.

i am a Jewish woman who was raised with Jewish culture but with no laws in the traditional sense. i became engaged in the Orthodox community during college and am still very much involved in learning and discovering new aspects of it that i want to add to my life.

when i first started dating in the Orthodox community, i dated a man who was shomer negiah by default and then changed his actions based on desire. while at first this arrangement was more convenient for me (i was more secular at the time), i realized later on that it would've shown a lot more conviction and religious belief on his part and mine if he had remained shomer negiah. To change so quickly based on peer/social pressure is exactly what shomer negiah fights against.

a friend of mine said something to me recently that i thought was amazing enough that it pushed me to truly embrace shomer negiah in a way i hadn't even considered before. he said that he wanted to be able to be close enough to the person he was dating that he could touch them from across the table without touching them.

shomer negiah gives one the time and energy to really listen to another person, whether that person is a friend or a potential partner. i am currently in a relationship in which i have the option to touch or not touch and i am strongly opting to continue being shomer negiah for as long as possible. granted, i am only 21 so i have more time to figure things out and learn more but choosing to be S.N. is both an essential step in discovering the true essence of someone else and yourself.

2/07/2009 11:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm also in my thirties, and an evangelical Christian. I've also never kissed a girl.

Chastity is the key to serving God, and I've never been able to find a woman who fit in with my Christian vision, which I wrote about here:

I define all my courtship rules there, and the "no touching" rule is in there. I stole some of those rules from Jewish modesty customs, after having read Wendy Shalitt.

11/30/2009 02:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Adrian said...

I think that a workable solution would be for an arranged marriage.
I think that there are plenty of lonely people out there who want to be married,and my observation is that because of the tightly defined roles and expectations in strictly orthodox arranged marriages,they have just as much chance of working,if not more,than conventional marriages.
I would think,from a modern orthodox,but not shomrei shabbat,you will find it hard to meet,and court in the same way that you would if you were not frum or SN.
Try the shul or a shadchan,and accept that life is not a fairytale,so just think "Fiddler on the Roof"

10/25/2010 01:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a 18yr old girl who is one of only a handful of people in my grade who is shomer negiah. people often ask me why i am. when answering girls it is easy and they normally think it is pretty cool and brave of me and they may even challenge themselves to be shomer neigah or as the non frum people say "bli". But when explaining to guy they tend to mock me, stick their fingers in my face, block my way etc they just dont understand.

This blog (and comments) have enabled me to be able to go on being shomer negiah and to help other understand the beauty of it.

10/02/2011 06:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

has anyone thought that maybe being shomer negiah is freeing to the girl? when the relationship, boyfriend-girlfriend, or even just friends is a physical relationship then the guy begins to base his relationship with you on physical feelings. i will high five my friemds that are guys but every boyfriend that i have had, i tell him i womt to be shomer negiah. because i want the relationship to be more the just his physocal desires.

10/30/2013 07:10:00 PM  

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