Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Doughnut

The last few days I have been thinking about the man I recently dated and I have been feeling lonely. Part of me misses him very much and part of me knows that it is not him I miss but the him I wish he was, the him he would be if he were the person I could spend my life with. He is not that person, so what I really miss is that person, whereever he is.

In so many ways my life is better than it has ever been. Professionally I am in a good place with employers who value my work and are willing to hold my job for me while I go to Israel for a year. I am going to Israel for a year which is wonderful. Thanks to all the work I did on myself when I was depressed I know myself better and have more patience with myself. I have a wonderful family and good friends. My life is very rich.

But I feel like my life is like a doughnut. It is rich and good and has many good things, but still there is a hole in the middle where a good man and a good relationship are supposed to be.

64 Comments:

Anonymous annabel lee said...

Wow, that's a very good description. Please, please know that you are not alone in feeling that way. I'm glad that you recognize the many blessings you do have, and I hope that your dream of finding your bashert is soon fulfilled.

2/21/2006 10:01:00 AM  
Blogger almost_frei said...

Hey Sweetheart,
Great post. It is amazning how the ying and yang are always at work. Work good, social life not so good... I am glad 2 hear you are taking off the year to go to Israel. I hope you will find new experiences and B'ezrat Hashem new love.

2/21/2006 11:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Aivy said...

Dear NJG,

I came across your blog a few weeks ago and got completely caught up reading all of it (and most of the comments)! I just wanted to wish you all the best in your new move, and may you find that donut hole to fill in the center.

I also wanted to thank you. I myself am not frum, but I have many older frum female friends. There was recently a wave of marriages (3 of them, all in mid-30s, within the past year or so), but a few are still looking for their bashert. As you say, these topics are rarely discussed in public, particularly with those people who you're not so close with. I have always assumed that my friends were yearning to be married and have families because that's what "nice Jewish girls" do and because their other friends and siblings are all married. But I have to admit, I never considered their needs and desires as sexual human beings, or considered the fact that they may be conflicted with the halacha of shomer negiah. They make it seem so easy! But now I know that's not true.

Please keep this blog updated with how you're doing.

2/21/2006 12:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Aivy said...

Dear NJG,

I came across your blog a few weeks ago and got completely caught up reading all of it (and most of the comments)! I just wanted to wish you all the best in your new move, and may you find that donut hole to fill in the center.

I also wanted to thank you. I myself am not frum, but I have many older frum female friends. There was recently a wave of marriages (3 of them, all in mid-30s, within the past year or so), but a few are still looking for their bashert. As you say, these topics are rarely discussed in public, particularly with those people who you're not so close with. I have always assumed that my friends were yearning to be married and have families because that's what "nice Jewish girls" do and because their other friends and siblings are all married. But I have to admit, I never considered their needs and desires as sexual human beings, or considered the fact that they may be conflicted with the halacha of shomer negiah. They make it seem so easy! But now I know that's not true.

Please keep this blog updated with how you're doing.

2/21/2006 12:50:00 PM  
Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

I never really liked doughnuts. And I'm still single. I don't know what kind of lesson to extrapolate from that one. Stay positive so you can see opportunities when they pop up...

2/21/2006 01:06:00 PM  
Blogger littledevilworks said...

I check back on your site every now and then and I just want to tell you how much I enjoy reading. I am Jewish by heritage, though not particularly so by faith, and I find your writing both illuminating and compelling. I wish you safe travels and a wonderful year in Israel. Thank you for sharing.

2/22/2006 02:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whilst luck and many other factors are involved in finding happiness the most important one is your attitude. It's great to hear you sounding positive. Israel will be such an adventure if you approach it in that way.

2/22/2006 07:50:00 AM  
Blogger Pragmatician said...

After dating a person , even if we are the ones who chose discontinued there’s often a sense of miss, I think what we really miss is the sparkle of hope we felt right after both sides have agreed to meet. Only when it's over is this sparkle gone, and that's what we experience as missing.

2/23/2006 11:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Ahuvah said...

I wonder if you realize how many people are referencing your blog. mayimrabim.com has just set up a discussion thread on whether or not being shomer negia is good practice for keeping tacharas hamishpacha.

I hope you're doing well.

2/24/2006 03:44:00 PM  
Blogger kishmech said...

Hiya, you have been reviewed in the English jewish chronicle - blogwatch column, have they informed you? scan and send? let me know.

2/25/2006 03:56:00 PM  
Blogger kishmech said...

Hiya, you have been reviewed in the English jewish chronicle - blogwatch column, have they informed you? scan and send? let me know.

2/25/2006 03:57:00 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

i'm so glad you are doing better! i hope you find where ever that doughnut hole has run off to, and IYH he's not gotten on the floor in the mean time, i hope you find him soon and i hope he's ready to stay where he belongs.

(i'm sorry i just think the doughnut analogy is so cute.)

2/25/2006 09:27:00 PM  
Blogger Eshet Chayil said...

what a great analogy...I can feel that.

2/26/2006 12:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey welcome back! it's good to see/read you again....

i know what you mean about the doughnut. plus there's some wonky physics involved where the hole can engulf the doughnut. something about the space-time continuum?

not fun. and the crazy thing, that's even if you ARE touching/kissing/etc with people, *still* the doughnut hole - - being close to someone who is not the right one only makes you feel more empty. basically sucks, any way you slice it.... but it's good to have new adventures on the horizon. change of place, right?

-sarah

2/28/2006 12:28:00 AM  
Blogger Gena said...

I wanna know what happened with the book deal. Is this the beginning of Nice Jewish Girl, the author?

3/03/2006 01:41:00 AM  
Blogger Judith said...

"part of me knows that it is not him I miss but the him I wish he was, the him he would be if he were the person I could spend my life with. He is not that person, so what I really miss is that person, whereever he is."

Boy can I relate. I got dumped by someone I feel the same way about. He is sort of the real person, but not in some significant ways. But he made me miss that person very much, and feel extra-lonely for having almost had him.

3/03/2006 11:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Living in Israel is difficult. However, there are a LOT of Jews here. So if you connect to a religious COMMUNITY you should find dozens of men to consider. Did I mention that COMMUNITY is important in Israel? I do understand that statistically, above the age of 30, the number of unmarried women is higher than the number of unmarried men.

As an oleh chadosh I have had great trouble with finding a job, connecting to a community, and my health isn't too great either, so the stress level is very high. If you're a religious Zionist, though, you should strongly consider making Aliyah. The stresses are different here. I'm home here. I'm not depressed here. I get angry instead of depressed!

Connect to a COMMUNITY in Israel. Any which way you can. Convert to Chabad if you have to.

3/05/2006 08:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow,
i just read your entire blogg and let me tall you it really touched me.
it is so wonderfull to read how much you have growed and matured by writing this blogg.
i'm sure many peolpe have learned so much more about themselves and their judaism because of you.
kol hakavod to you.
wishing you all the best.
lots of love and admiration,
ggss

3/05/2006 09:38:00 AM  
Blogger FrumGirl said...

I think its amazing that you are going to Israel for a year... good luck with that! The future is going to bring such wonderful things your way.

3/08/2006 12:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

purim sameach. hope you are doing well.

3/13/2006 06:52:00 AM  
Blogger The First Date Chick said...

Wow...sounds like you have a lot of great stuff to look forward to. I know the feeling of having the hole in the middle...what a good analogy. Until you find the man, fill with friends and other good food. Good luck!

3/14/2006 03:21:00 PM  
Anonymous gabbyhays said...

welcome home. i hope for your success and happiness.

3/14/2006 03:32:00 PM  
Blogger Sunshine said...

Strange...I just finished posting on my own log about feeling lonely after my own recent-ish break up. Then I come here and find that you've phrased it better than I ever could.

I'm also a doughnut.

3/14/2006 06:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We all have dounghnut holes in our lives, whether it be the loss of an intimate relationship, the death of a friend, or the loss of a planned and much wanted pregnancy.

Many of us struggle with finding ways to live our lives in the fullest and most meaningful ways possible, while always having to navigate those empty spaces.

My hope for you, nice jewish girl, is that you find the ways to celecrate that which is good- visiting Israel, connecting with old and new friends, and moving on with you professional life.

I hope that you'll keep up with all of us through this blog. Chag Purim Sameach...

3/15/2006 01:22:00 PM  
Blogger Soferet said...

BS"D
You sound so much stronger, NJ"G. Kol ha-kavod lakh for all the soul work you are doing & for having the confidence to continue to walk through challenges. May you be blessed with joy & strength & may your time b'Aretz be one of only good.
:D

3/20/2006 02:48:00 AM  
Blogger Needsabetterjob said...

There's a book called 'Modesty' by Wendy SHalit, you should read it for sure. There is one of the best books I have read.

3/23/2006 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger Amishav said...

Hi, I just came across your blog and read some of your previous posts. I was really quite moved by them. I genuinely wish you the very best and hope that all continues to go well for you in your personal and professional life. And as far as donuts go, there is very little in life better than a fresh, hot krispy-kreme. Be well.

3/26/2006 11:56:00 PM  
Blogger Amishav said...

I just came across your blog, read some of the back posts and was really quite moved. I'm glad to hear that you are doing better in your personal and professional life, and it seems that you have much to look forward to. As far as donuts go, they are mostly overrated IMHO, but there is little better than a fresh,hot krispy-kreme, and the hole in the middle just sort of caves in once you start eating it. But stop after two, otherwise they get kinda of gross if you keep eating them one after another. I don't think that advice can help you with men, but best of luck to you on your trip to Israel. Hope you have a great experience.

3/27/2006 12:04:00 AM  
Anonymous LC said...

Hatzlacha rabbah in Israel - and may you find the (w)hole to fill your doughnut (jelly doughnuts don't have holes :) ).

3/27/2006 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger chanichkeh said...

wow i love this post... can relate very well

3/27/2006 09:24:00 PM  
Blogger LubaGal said...

Good luck in all NJG.
We cheering you on.

3/30/2006 07:50:00 PM  
Anonymous blue hat for a blue day said...

I myself love doughnuts just as they are...some don't even have holes in them. you'll find someone when the time is right . too many people settle for anyone because they are lonesome. if your life is full, you will never be lonesome... if you wish that someone was exactly the way you imagined, it'll take a long time to find them, but they ARE out there. you will find him.

3/31/2006 05:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NJG,
I'm so glad to see that you're feeling so much better. Good luck and enjoy your trip to israel. (and I agree with what another poster wrote: make sure that you connect with some people when you get there. israel isn't fun if you have no friends or family to hang out with.) as always, you're in our hearts and prayers. take care!

b,h,&e.

4/02/2006 11:10:00 PM  
Anonymous annabel lee said...

I hope you're doing well, NJG. Best wishes for a chag kasher v'sameach. I hope you're feeling even better about yourself by now...

4/11/2006 09:32:00 PM  
Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

Interesting perspective, the doughnut hole feeling!

5/01/2006 01:51:00 PM  
Anonymous mivami said...

hey kol hakavod on the JW piece! and kol hakavod on aliyah! Meshanah makom meshanah mazal. May avira d'ara bless you with wedded bliss and all good things.

5/11/2006 03:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

interesting reading your blog... I find the doughnut analogy funny.
I wonder.. what you look like. I think that you don't attract members of the opposite sex.. for one of two reasons..
Either your "first" impression is not positive.. youare not appealing to the eye.. or
b. you come across to "cocky" for a typical guy.. you exude your success in your life outside your "sex" life... and the guys feel intimidated.
just my thoughts... isn't that what this is all about

5/15/2006 04:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have read a bit of your blog and want to give you some encouragement and hope as you seem to need it. I was not shomer negiah before getting married but my husband was. I can't know how you feel but I can tell you how I feel knowing that I am the only woman that my husband has ever had sexual relation with. No matter how hard it may seem now once you are married B'H you will be able to give that gift to your husband (assuming he feels the same way I do) of being the only one you've ever been with. Its not everything, but it is something.

5/17/2006 11:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should visit

wwwJewishMarriageMatters.com

Good luck!

5/24/2006 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger slushy said...

hi,
i respect your honesty in writing about such personal issues, and want to let you know that the doughnut hole you allude to is something many people feel, even those in good, solid, meaningful relationships.
also, though, interestingly your blog is alluded to in an essay on nextbook.org, a jewish online culture magazine. here's a link to the article in question: http://www.nextbook.org/cultural/feature.html?id=326
good luck with everything.

s.

5/25/2006 05:32:00 PM  
Anonymous NSNJB said...

Dear NJG,

Humanity means cherishing one's and honoring contradictions. I thank you for doing that fearlessly.

I really encourage you to consider publishing that book based on your blog.

If you're up to it, turning what you've experienced and thought about into a novella would be amazing. If you did it this way you could create a fuller identity without giving up anonymity, and you could probably add a lot of humor and other kinds of detail that might be harder to include in a straight rendition of your blog.

It's just my opinion, but I believe that the greatest holiness can come when a person strives to connect with God in their own unique way, rather than in the way that everyone else tells them to. Your blog helps people reflect on that.

For me, what you are doing reaches something higher than being simply shomer halakhah. It's being what I would call "shomei'a halakhah" (a term I get from a line in David Hartman's book A Living Covenant).

If you can tolerate me soapboxing for another moment, the tradition doesn't ask us primarily to focus on watching and guarding the rules - it asks us to LISTEN - listening is about relationship, dialogue, and attention. We're supposed to watch ourselves (hishamru lakhem) but to listen to the commmandments (shamo'a timshm'u).

On a deeper level, the Izhbitzer says that sometimes one's own will or desire can contradict halakhah and still be a fulfillment of God's will.

It's a dangerous position to take, and the standards for knowing or thinking that this is true for oneself should be quite high. But the primary standard for the Izhbitzer requires the deepest listening.

If ever a kiss were to fall into the category, I imagine that it would be your kiss during the HiHo's. One can never know whether this is true looking from the outside at another person, but that's how it resonates for me.

If you ever do that book and want an editor to help with it, I would be interested.

Blessings for receiving the Torah and for seeing your own letter in that Torah in a new light this Shavuot.

NSNJB

P.S. I have a website that I haven't included here in my note, but I think I will be adding a link to your site from there. I can send a link for it to your email if you like.

5/31/2006 05:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just recently came across your blog. I am Baal Teshuvah. Although I cannot particularly relate to the specific problem you're having, what I am getting out of your blog is something very much more fundamental. As a BT, I am saddled with many, many inconsistencies in my life. I have secular parents, and secular friends (most of whom are not Jewish and most of whom are quite liberal-minded), etc. So, it is very difficult for me to keep things consistent. I'm having a hard time of it. It is very interesting that people who were born and raised frum, as I'm assuming you were, also have inconsistencies (albeit on a much smaller scale) because they live in a secular society. Liberal modernity is playing tug-of-war with Halacha. I thought that this was unique to us BT but I see now that I was wrong in assuming that.

6/01/2006 04:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi NJG,

I just recently came across your blog. I am Baal Teshuvah. While I cannot relate to your specific problem, what I get out of all this is something very much more fundamental. As a BT, I am saddled with inconsistencies in my life: the secular, liberal world of my upbringing playing tug-of-war with Halacha. I have secular parents and mostly secular (and liberal-minded) friends, many who aren't Jewish. It is very hard to keep things consistent. I have always assumed that this was a problem for me because I am BT, but your blog has shown me that these inconsistencies are present even amongst people who were born into a frum way of life, as I'm assuming you were. I hadn't realized that before.

With that in mind, I now also see that the BT has some advantages over a Jew born and raised frum in keeping things consistent, because the BT doesn't have the same kinds of curiosities that might tempt them into breaking a commandment. For example, I am not curious about the taste of a Big Mac hamburger. I've eaten plenty of them in my life, and I know they're not that special and can easily live without them.

I am very sorry to hear about your break-up. I would like to make a suggestion, though. Perhaps you should tell us more about why you broke up with that man, and perhaps tell us some more about yourself. Your profile says that all we need to know about you is that you've never been kissed. But how could anyone help you if that's all the info they have? There's got to be a deeper reason why you've been depressed and why relationships aren't working out for you. Do you show the guys you date that you lack self-confidence? That's not a good thing to show them. You can't make someone else happy if you're not happy with yourself. Somehow or another you have to show them that you have a lot to offer them.

May I even throw out the possibility (sorry if this is off-base) that you are a little too picky? My experience is that frum women are way too picky. I have never been able to date a frum woman because they seem to want more than I can give them.

I currently have an unobservant Jewish girlfriend who is trying to learn and do more religiously. In regards to SN, we hug but that's the extent of it. Neither of us are particularly sex-driven people. Sometimes I wish I had a frum girlfriend because it would make me a better Jew, but I also realize that my influence in her life could only make HER a better Jew. I care about her so I want her to be a better Jew. I am willing to sacrifice my own spiritual growth so that she can grow spiritually, and maybe someday if we get married we will both grow spiritually.

So, my point is, perhaps your yearning for physical contact is NOT the real problem?

6/01/2006 12:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Adam said...

Hi NJG,

I just recently came across your blog. I am Baal Teshuvah. While I cannot relate to your specific problem, what I get out of all this is something very much more fundamental. As a BT, I am saddled with inconsistencies in my life: the secular, liberal world of my upbringing playing tug-of-war with Halacha. I have secular parents and mostly secular (and liberal-minded) friends, many who aren't Jewish. It is very hard to keep things consistent. I have always assumed that this was a problem for me because I am BT, but your blog has shown me that these inconsistencies are present even amongst people who were born into a frum way of life, as I'm assuming you were. I hadn't realized that before.

With that in mind, I now also see that the BT has some advantages over a Jew born and raised frum in keeping things consistent, because the BT doesn't have the same kinds of curiosities that might tempt them into breaking a commandment. For example, I am not curious about the taste of a Big Mac hamburger. I've eaten plenty of them in my life, and I know they're not that special and can easily live without them.

I am very sorry to hear about your break-up. I would like to make a suggestion, though. Perhaps you should tell us more about why you broke up with that man, and perhaps tell us some more about yourself. Your profile says that all we need to know about you is that you've never been kissed. But how could anyone help you if that's all the info they have? There's got to be a deeper reason why you've been depressed and why relationships aren't working out for you. Do you show the guys you date that you lack self-confidence? That's not a good thing to show them. You can't make someone else happy if you're not happy with yourself. Somehow or another you have to show them that you have a lot to offer them.

May I even throw out the possibility (sorry if this is off-base) that you are a little too picky? My experience is that frum women are way too picky. I have never been able to date a frum woman because they seem to want more than I can give them.

I currently have an unobservant Jewish girlfriend who is trying to learn and do more religiously. In regards to SN, we hug but that's the extent of it. Neither of us are particularly sex-driven people. Sometimes I wish I had a frum girlfriend because it would make me a better Jew, but I also realize that my influence in her life could only make HER a better Jew. I care about her so I want her to be a better Jew. I am willing to sacrifice my own spiritual growth so that she can grow spiritually, and maybe someday if we get married we will both grow spiritually.

So, my point is, perhaps your yearning for physical contact is NOT the real problem?

6/01/2006 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Caron said...

Where oh where have you gone, dear NJG? Missing you and wishing you the best. (Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom as well!)

6/02/2006 06:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

URGENT!

You say:
"Part of me misses him very much and part of me knows that it is not him I miss but the him I wish he was, the him he would be if he were the person I could spend my life with. He is not that person, so what I really miss is that person, whereever he is.".

PLEASE, WOULD YOU MIND WRITING AN ENTRY IN YOUR BLOG THAT CLEARLY TELLS THE READER WHAT IS THE HIM YOU WISH HE WAS (to use your own expression)?

If you will HIM, it is not a dream, it is a reality in less than a year!

Thanks. All the best to you, sincerely.

6/18/2006 01:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We miss you, NJG. Hope all has been well over the past five months. Thinking of you and hope to hear from you soon.

7/17/2006 05:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello...

Better to be sad and holy (with a hopefull future)

Than have acted unholy with and unending daily regret eating you.

G-d rewards...

Sarai laughed when she was told she would be pregnant...

She probably spent years seriously desiring a child...

I would change postition with you anytime...

7/17/2006 05:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just writing to say hi and hoping that you're doing well.

b,h,&e

7/24/2006 01:37:00 AM  
Blogger El Capitan said...

What about you and moving to Israel? Any news?

:)

8/29/2006 05:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi NJG,

First, I'm not Jewish. Second, I'm not religious at all. I'm male, thirty-something. And you know what, I'm virgin by choice.

The below is my reasoning against pre-marital sex

Sex without marriage, right or wrong ?

-----------------------------------

I disagree with sex outside marriage. No need to have religion in here to justify it. Rationally thinking it's ethically wrong.

Why? Because sexual gratification is biological force to drive people procreate. By having sex outside of the wedlock, you're trying to satisfy the sexual desire but not the responsible of having children. Thus the gratification is invalid.

Secondly, it's ethically wrong because the children could be born outside of the wedlock. Who could be responsible for them ? Don't tell me about how good the technology now to prevent that to happen. It just may happen and the guy could run away, leaving all the mess behind. Since the foundation of the society is the family with husband and wife, the disruption at this level could lead to severe impact in our civilization.

Thirdly, I believe that man are the one easier than woman about premarriage sex. Why ? Because they have biological instinct to spread their offsprings as much as he can. In contrast, woman, who are more incline sex drive, emotional attach to the one she had sex to. That's her instinct since she's need someone to protect her child and share the burden with her. What the man did is inhonest. It's inhonest with woman (who invests lot of emotion into the one she had sex with). The man have taken advantage of the weakness of woman to satisfy his desire.

Having said that. I don't insist it as moral standard nowadays. That's their own bussiness which they are voluteer doing harm to each other.

I believe pre-marriage is always ethically wrong until humandkind can procreate in other way and terminate the connection between sex and making offspring.

Until that time, there's always a unconcious guilt to bear everytime you have sex.

The age for marriage is higher and higher, and that cause social problem of sexuality. But it's not the nature problem. Don't CHEAT nature.

The original post is at http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=60292

8/29/2006 07:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi NJG,

First, I'm not Jewish. Second, I'm not religious at all. I'm male, thirty-something. And you know what, I'm virgin by choice.

The below is my reasoning against pre-marital sex

Sex without marriage, right or wrong ?

-----------------------------------

I disagree with sex outside marriage. No need to have religion in here to justify it. Rationally thinking it's ethically wrong.

Why? Because sexual gratification is biological force to drive people procreate. By having sex outside of the wedlock, you're trying to satisfy the sexual desire but not the responsible of having children. Thus the gratification is invalid.

Secondly, it's ethically wrong because the children could be born outside of the wedlock. Who could be responsible for them ? Don't tell me about how good the technology now to prevent that to happen. It just may happen and the guy could run away, leaving all the mess behind. Since the foundation of the society is the family with husband and wife, the disruption at this level could lead to severe impact in our civilization.

Thirdly, I believe that man are the one easier than woman about premarriage sex. Why ? Because they have biological instinct to spread their offsprings as much as he can. In contrast, woman, who are more incline sex drive, emotional attach to the one she had sex to. That's her instinct since she's need someone to protect her child and share the burden with her. What the man did is inhonest. It's inhonest with woman (who invests lot of emotion into the one she had sex with). The man have taken advantage of the weakness of woman to satisfy his desire.

Having said that. I don't insist it as moral standard nowadays. That's their own bussiness which they are voluteer doing harm to each other.

I believe pre-marriage is always ethically wrong until humandkind can procreate in other way and terminate the connection between sex and making offspring.

Until that time, there's always a unconcious guilt to bear everytime you have sex.

The age for marriage is higher and higher, and that cause social problem of sexuality. But it's not the nature problem. Don't CHEAT nature.

The original post is at http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=60292

8/29/2006 07:45:00 PM  
Blogger Ittay said...

have you found any nice doughnuts in israel?

8/30/2006 03:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NJG,
I hope you're doing well.

b,h,&e.

8/31/2006 06:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NJG,
I hope you're doing well.

b,h,&e

8/31/2006 06:01:00 AM  
Anonymous krystle of the UK said...

First and foremost, i am not jewish and only 21 years of age thus maybe i am not entirely able to fully comprehend your experiences. But reading your many blogs has really touched me, mainly cos you were so honest and i could relate that somewhat to my own experiences as I am a virgin. You made me think about how special kisses and human contact really are, and i personally don't want to waste another kiss or hugh with someone i don't truly care about. Not to say that i will suddenly practice S.N but that i will be wiser in who i choose to share experiences with. For that, i am thankful to you.

Best of luck with the future, Krystle

9/01/2006 09:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Impressed..... said...

I have just read through your entire blog now, and wanted to let you know how much I admire you.

I am only 24, which I know is nowhere near the same as 34, or 35 now, but until a few weeks ago I also had never been kissed or been held by a boy. Like you it started out as an ideal and then became a by default position. I love him and think we will get married so I did stop being SN with him we didn't have sex but we did do alot more than just kiss.

And then I realized that SN meant more to me than I had realized. I felt like I was loosing myself and didn't know who I was anymore, added onto the fact that I hate blatantly picking and choosing halacha. So, I asked, and he agreed, to be SN again, but it is HARD.

But not only were you able to stay SN until 34 (because how ever much of it was by default or mistakes or accidental happenings, there is more self control in that than I will ever know) and once you decided to not be SN you were able to put up clear boundaries so that you would stay comfortable and true to yourself.

I wish you all the best and only good things for your future!

9/06/2006 09:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have just read through your entire blog now, and wanted to let you know how much I admire you.

I am only 24, which I know is nowhere near the same as 34, or 35 now, but until a few weeks ago I also had never been kissed or been held by a boy. Like you it started out as an ideal and then became a by default position. I love him and think we will get married so I did stop being SN with him we didn't have sex but we did do alot more than just kiss.

And then I realized that SN meant more to me than I had realized. I felt like I was loosing myself and didn't know who I was anymore, added onto the fact that I hate blatantly picking and choosing halacha. So, I asked, and he agreed, to be SN again, but it is HARD.

But not only were you able to stay SN until 34 (because how ever much of it was by default or mistakes or accidental happenings, there is more self control in that than I will ever know) and once you decided to not be SN you were able to put up clear boundaries so that you would stay comfortable and true to yourself.

I wish you all the best and only good things for your future!

9/06/2006 09:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By way of introduction: I am a goy, but one of a moderately strict Catholic upbringing, and who had and has many Jewish friends and therefore knows of such things as Shomer N'giah. I am male.

I think I understand, at least to some degree. I'm younger than you are, but I'm feeling the need to settle down, and to start making a home. Don't feel you are any less suitable, Shomer N'giah or not. From what of your blog I've read, you are indeed a very nice Jewish girl, and the frum Jews I know would be more than happy to know you.

A belated Happy New Year to you.

9/25/2006 12:14:00 AM  
Anonymous MichaelFeldstein said...

I had read all of your blog entries several months ago, and just recently wondered whether you had posted and how you were doing.

I hope you are well, and that the New Year brings you good health and a continued sense of purpose in your life.

10/09/2006 11:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear NJG Moed Sameach. I hope you are doing well in Israel and that this year will bring you satisfaction and happiness and your heart's desire fulfilled letova.

10/11/2006 02:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello NJG, I have been reading your blog for some time,,and chaeck constantly if you posted anything new...I hope you are doing well and wish you all the success in the world. You are in my thoughts and would hope that you do not give up this blog..you give us strength from your inner strength without even knowing it. You are so strong..never give up..

10/18/2006 07:09:00 PM  
Blogger brianna said...

I know this off topic, but I think it would be a great idea if you published this blog as a book. It is a topic people need to read about and it would do a world of good.

11/24/2006 12:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How are you? My wife who is from Israel and Jewish remained single up to the age of 43. Unfortunately she has passed that milestone in her life where she is beyond having children unless of course there is a miracle.
Anyway I like to write on aspects of Judaism and Christianity and if you are interested you are welcome top visit my blogsite which is jesusandjews.com
Take care

Rob

7/20/2009 10:16:00 PM  

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