Still Single
The rest is commentary.
posted by Shomer Negiah at 12/24/2008 04:25:00 PM
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
About Me
- Name: Shomer Negiah
- Location: United States
United States. Female. 34. Never been kissed.That is all you know about me, and all you need to know.
If you are here for the first time please read the first two posts first. Welcome.
Previous Posts
- Yes I am OK
- Doughnut
- Onward
- I am OK.
- We broke up
- How to contact me
- My blog is a dance!
- Many notes and an apology
- Nice Jewish Girl has been kissed
- Taking The Chance
30 Comments:
I was hoping to hear you were engaged after such a long period of quiet....
Hopefully you will be soon....
Big hug, lots of empathy and support.
And if you feel the need to share with us, we'll be glad to hear.
what about having some sex
Well then add some commentary!
I've missed your posts. You are in my thoughts, may god bless you and bring you the happiness you deserve.
Just wanted to let you know I've been monitoring this blog for a couple years now.
Sorry the good Lord hasn't united you with a man yet, though it's good to know you didn't get knocked off by a stray qassam...
This post has been removed by the author.
i was hoping to hear that you had gotten married.
:-( Thank you for posting an update. I've often wondered how you're doing. And thanks for this blog...you've expressed what so many of us frum people feel inside. Good luck to you.
Although I am married, it seems that I have lost some of what you seek. After being married to a lovely Jewish woman and having an equally lovely daughter, due to a medical circumstance not the fault of either myself or my wife, I am now and have been for some time in a marriage without the possibility of sex and without physical intimacy, both of which I crave more than I like to admit to. Yet, I remain committed to my wife and family, to my marriage and my Jewish heritage and religion. There was no way of foreseeing that my life and marriage would evolve this way. I don't blame anyone; You can make all the right choices and not get what you want, or arrive at where you want to be. It is not a punishment or a test, it is just life. That doesn't mean I am happy with it. I just have no path that would lead me anyplace better. So I have no advice for you, and nothing to offer in comfort; As all prayers end: Amen. So be it.
It is good to hear from you, albeit so briefly.
I hope things are going well for you in other areas of your life.
I have thought of you in the past year (since I discovered your blog and read it all at once).
I'm also frum and single (in my early thirties), and I too wonder if anything will change.
I've noticed, though, that for some people things in their life get to a really bad place and it seems unbearable and they don't see how things can possibly improve and it is at that point that suddenly things change drastically. I can think of three people in the past year who were at that low point and then suddenly met their future husband. I wonder why some people have to go through that, there must be a reason why.
I hope this doesn't offend you but I know someone who would is interested in doing shomer negiah or dating because he too has not found someone to marry. If this helps you write back to me. And I also think that writing this blog helps so may other jewish woman out there who still havn't found someone to spend their life with.
Dearest NJG,
Thank you also for updating. Sending you much love, sympathy and support. I think of you regulary - and wish you all the happiness and blessings you desire. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and love yourself as you deserve to be loved and cherished by your beshert. He will come one day BH.
f
if you really want a kiss, I'm ready!
Hang in there...hope to read more from you on this blog...I do miss your exquisite writing.
Be strong!!
I am going to second some of the other commenters. You have been living your life the last several years, yes? That can provide a fair amount of interesting commentary.
Have you been unsingle anytime during the past 2 years that you didnt post anything, or have you been single thruout this while time?
what does that mean??
Dear Beautiful Girl,
I have just seen you latest update and want to let you know how much you have touched my soul and how much I care for you. I know the feelings you describe, the crying myself to sleep and loneliness. I want to tell you that I'm sorry, that it sucks, and that it's not fair. You write so beautifully with an honesty and integrity that has doubtless had far reach. I know, because when I was first becoming shomer negiah, your blog gave me a lot of strength and support.
You wrote on one post that you considered making this blog about your weight - I encourage you to do so. As a woman who has also battled those feelings (I think sometimes that most women have) I wonder if it could be healing for you in this one remaining area, that you mentioned you wonder if it's an area that has made dating difficult.
This is another thing that outrages me. I try to make introductions and get very angry with men in the process sometimes - not for wanting a woman they are attracted to, but for what you wrote so wonderfully - that they seem to want an instant connection without the effort that building a relationship comes with. However, there are also a lot of mentches and real men who are examples for others.
Mothers who are reading this - please teach your sons about healthy attraction and that it's not dependent on dress size.
I know a lot of your readers are rooting for you. Are you open to shiddachs? Is there a way for us to try to introduce you to others while maintaining your anonymity?
I don't know that there are words of comfort that I can offer, so instead I will just let you know that you are not alone, and there are a lot of people fighting for you, even if you don't know it. You have had farther reaching impacts on tikun olam than you might realize, and that impact should find itself back to you in reward.
Your Friend,
Pnina
PS, please let me know if there is someway I can try to introduce you to someone while preserving your privacy.
You make me hopeful that I can put aside the qualms I felt about certain halacha and give me hope that I can find my way out of my own sadness. I really hope to hear you blogging again soon (you know as well as anyone that it's a pretty therapeutic method of expression). Maybe a trip to Eretz Yisrael could do some good for others looking for a fresh outlook. :)
Your not the only one in this situation. I'm sure things will work out. Keep the faith.
You have a beautiful neshama.
That's okay to say, right?
I just saw your blog for the first time today. I haven't read all the posts but I feel your pain as much as anyone not in your position can. It is interesting that halacha classifies marital relations as something a husband must provide for his wife just like food and clothing. The connection would imply that Judaism views living without sex as on par with being starved or shamed, as something basically cruel that no one should have to endure.
That being said, I hope you stay shomer negiah and find your bashert very soon. I'll be davening for you. I was not raised frum but have done teshuva and am now shomer negiah myself. Something I like to keep in mind is that no matter how tempting it may sometimes be even to shake a person's hand, doing the opposite of what Hashem wants is not likely to bring me what I want. I know this is a very selfish reason for doing a mitzvah, but if it helps keep me from doing an aveira I think it's worth it.
May you only see revealed good and blessing!!
From one nice Jewish girl to another
I understand being lonely and sad...but please do NOT reduce your life to a single/not-single status...to find your besherte I would think one has to have many layers...and your relationship status is just a part of who you are! As a fellow NJG, I would ask that you put yourself out there...be more than single, think of yourself as more than "single", and someone will find that. Have a kosher Pesach!
You have been an inspiration, truly. Wish you all the best and please include us in your life for most of us have included you as hope in ours.
chazki veamtzi
hank you for your thoughtful blog. It is just what I needed -- both for myself, personally and as a BT mom rearing a teen sn daughter. My daughter has so many questions that I do not know how to answer. but what has been most difficult is that I myself have questions that I had trouble formulating. You put words to them which gives us a starting place from which to examine and deepen our connection to Hashem and Torah.
I especially appreciate your delineation between being sn because of circumstances, conviction or emotional reasons.
I was an aguna for a few years. And before that, my ex did not have relations with me for several years. So I relate to the nisayon.
Please write more. I don't have the ability to write the way you do, but I do feel the way you do.
I am so depressed.
I hope you are doing well. Gmar chatima tova and may the new year bring you only good things.
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