What will be the reality?
The difference is that everything I know about my own sexuality is based on fantasy and on conjecture. I know how my body responds to various stimuli but I do not know how it would respond when you mix in a real man and emotions and not knowing yet what he likes and him not knowing yet what I like.
Yes I think about sex all the time. Yes I know how to relieve the tension, as it were. But I have a fear that I will get married and discover that I am bad in bed, or that I just do not enjoy it, or that my husband has some kind of sexual issue that has to be overcome or that I do. What if truly I do not like it? What if I am bad at it? The question haunts me and causes me a lot of pain. I hurt for not being able to find out either way. I hurt for not being able to get on with my life.