Thursday, March 31, 2005
At first I resented the comments of people who said “come on, just stop being Shomer Negiah. How ridiculously religious can you be?” because if they were saying “just stop” then obviously they did not read my blog carefully and did not understand how complicated this all is for me. With whom do they think I should be not-S.N.? A random man on the street? But after thinking about it I understand the comment better because frankly deep down I have the same attitude about Orthodox men who do not pleasure themselves. The idea that there are men who do not even – you know – leaves me speechless and a little angry. “God will understand” I want to tell them. Just go ahead and do it. Have some joy in your life. Do not let religion ruin your life and your happiness. All the things that people are saying to me about negiah, see? But now I stop to think about it I realize that it is just my way of putting them down to make myself seem better. I know that I would never have the strength to do what they do and it is easier to pressure them to sin or decide there must be something psychologically wrong with them than to admit that I am more dependent on self-pleasure than they are or that I do not have as much self-control or dedication to halacha as they do. We all do that I suppose. But it is not nice.