Perhaps the other small impressive thing is just that it has taken me this long to start falling apart emotionally because of the long-term sexual deprivation. That is a point of my blog: that different people may get to the point at different times but it is understandable if eventually a single person decides they are not strong enough to keep this halacha. I do not think I am any religiously better than an otherwise Torah-committed woman who is 24, ten years younger than me, who decides with some feelings of religious guilt to make out with her boyfriend or even have sex. How can I judge her for that when I know that if she denies herself she may end up like me, fantasizing about suicide and drowning her pain in Zoloft?
Yes it is true that by succumbing she is breaking the halacha and we are obligated to keep halacha, and also she is taking different emotional risks and may also end up unhappy about it. She may also feel very guilty. But we have free will to sin or not sin. I cannot judge such a woman for taking her chance to quench her physical needs, even if it is only a temporary solution. Only God can do that and personally I think God is more merciful than some other people make Him out to be. I would encourage her to think carefully about why she is doing it, and how much does she trust the man, and to consider how she will feel if they break up and to try to do the Jewish thing instead, but if she cannot, I would not blame her or think she is any less Orthodox than me (assuming she believes that being S.N. is the halacha and that she should be following it even if it is too hard for her at that time).
If she succumbs to temptation she is taking an emotional and spiritual risk and if she does not she is taking a physiological risk. I have made my choices about which risks to take in the circumstances which I have had and do not truly regret them as much as it may seem. But I cannot blame others for choosing a different set of risks. Every Orthodox person has some halachot that are too hard for them or that they just ignore or where the emotional costs demotivate the person from keeping the halacha even though they know they should keep it. We all have different challenges. Let he who is 34 and never been kissed cast the first stone.