Thursday, March 31, 2005

A Few Different Things

I think this blog will continue for another few days and then be done. I have a few more posts to write and some responses to comments and then I will have said everything I have to say on this topic. My points will have been more than thoroughly made.

Thank you to the people who have emailed me already telling me about the similar issues you face even when it is not exactly like my story. I wish we could all find more happiness but it is good to know that we feel empathy for each other.

I have seen on other blogs that some people are saying that I am self-obsessed. Well of course I am self-obsessed on this blog because it is a blog about me and my problem. I do not go around all day talking to my co-workers or friends about my problems. However when someone offers criticism it is wise to consider if maybe it is true. Maybe my critics are correct. I will think about that.

Thank you to all the people who have offered to set me up on dates. At this point given how personal this blog has been I am more concerned about protecting my anonymity. For you to set me up I would have to tell you my name and where I live and more about me and it would be strange to have a stranger know who I am and also know the personal things I have written here about myself. I appreciate your offers and sincerely wish I could take them but it would be compromising myself too much. However if you know a nice, sincerely religious Jewish man there are certainly many nice religious women like me to set him up with. It is not so hard to find us if you try and who knows, maybe the woman you set him up with will be me after all.


Blogger Eliyahu said...

of course i ask the creator's blessings on you, and may it be soon. some man is going to be very blessed! that being said, let me remark that the problem of good men being available seems to extend far beyond your circumstance. black women, if they want to have some relationship with a man, often have to share a man with another women. i also know quite a number of wonderful women more or less your age, not jewish, who have not found a man for marriage. in the long run, societies adapt somehow. in the short run, may you discover your blessing soon. maybe the guy from indiana would like to convert.

3/31/2005 11:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Bathroom Reading said...

Wow. I just read your blog from beginning to end.

I think you sell yourself short when you said that, if you're a tzedekes, it's by happenstance rather than holiness. The degree of mesiras nefesh you're experiencing in fulfilling this mitzvah! I suppose it's cold comfort hearing, once again, how much s'char you're getting. But the degree of perseverence you've shown is inspiring, whether you're happy about it or not.

I'll keep you in mind in my prayers.

3/31/2005 11:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an idea how to solve the problem of shortage of men for nice Jewish women to marry. A marketing campaign to tell the world how wonderful Jewish women are. If they only knew, gentile men would be breaking down the synagogue doors to convert!

3/31/2005 01:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an idea how to solve the problem of shortage of men for nice Jewish women to marry. A marketing campaign to tell the world how wonderful Jewish women are. If they only knew, gentile men would be breaking down the synagogue doors to convert!

3/31/2005 01:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should be a lot more concerned with getting married then playing cloak and dagger games. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, but its your life.

3/31/2005 01:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe rather than giving people your name for setting them up, let them email you info about the guy they are thinking about setting you up with? Perhaps if the name checks out as someone your interested in, you will be able to find someone else to set up the shidduch.
I think some things about your personality and sincerity make come across very clearly in the blog, and it's a shame to think that people may have gotten a "feel" for your personality but be unable to match you with someone who may really be suitable. My 2 cents.

3/31/2005 02:11:00 PM  
Blogger AMSHINOVER said...

Chazak VeAmutz.

3/31/2005 02:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Rabbi David Fohrman said...

I hear you. I've been very moved by what you've written.

While I certainly don't have a solution for you, I am touched deeply by your dilemma, and by your powerful presentation of it.

You've spoken about the seeming cruelty of God in placing you in an apparently unwinnable situation. That thought really resonated with me. A while back, I did a series of classes exploring figures in Tanach who argued and wrestled with God. I have audio tapes of the series, which a lot of folks have found meaningful. I'd be very happy to put a complementary set in the mail to you -- I think the material on the Mekallel at the end of Emor and Chanah might speak to you... You can reach me (through an alias if you like), at

3/31/2005 05:53:00 PM  
Anonymous cloojew said...

Lulei demistafina, the very fact that you are shutting down your blog (PLEASE, DON'T!) because you have run out of things to say demonstrates that you are the very opposite of a narcasistic, "self-obsessed" person.

What you are is self-aware and obsessed with the trajectory of your spiritual growth. That is just as it should be.

Whether or not you shut down this blog, you should know that you have touched a nerve that reaches every frum Jew, and you have done so in a constructive, cathartic way. I'm disappointed that it won't continue.

Perhaps as a compromise, you could simply update the blog for one week every few months. That way the insights will stay fresh, the conversation will continue, and your storyline can continue to be monitored by the voyeurs.

Wishing you the very best either way.

3/31/2005 08:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been reading this lately and thinking about how many girls are teases, and/or just like the chase. Do they understand what they are doing to the guys?

3/31/2005 08:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont mean to be rude but why were you not able to sustain a long termrelationship in your 20s that may have lead to marriage. I am asking so others dont make the same mistake.

3/31/2005 08:29:00 PM  
Anonymous what's the deal with you, dude? said...

Anonymous said...

I've been reading this lately and thinking about how many girls are teases, and/or just like the chase. Do they understand what they are doing to the guys?

What has this got to do with the bloggers problem? Does the fact that she's shomer negiah mean to you that she's "teasing" or playing "hard to get".. She's a Bas Yisrael thats following the Torah. You got a problem with that?

About dressing... Don't blame women for the fact that your mind is in the gutter. Do you expect women to go around with frumpy clothes to avoid your impure thoughts. Move to Meah Shearim...

3/31/2005 09:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whether or not she keeps these posts around, I just wanna get an update of when she gets married.

in all honesty, i'm praying for her and would very much like to know when her situation is resolved.

3/31/2005 09:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been overwhelmed by your honesty this week and feel as though you've let everything out at once. Do you feel healthier after releasing all of this? This is one of the important blogs I've followed and I hope that, whether or not you continue to update, this remains out there for people who may not need to read this now but will need it at another point in their lives. Thank you so much for saying everything I feel.

3/31/2005 10:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are many people that are very frustrated in their marriage as well.

3/31/2005 10:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know after thinking about it, there are many people frustrated in marriage, but at least they tried it. Marriage to single people looks so different. It is like telling a kid not to do something because you already tried it and it wasn't so good, or you know it is not a good idea (usually you tried it yourself when you were younger). In this case, you are telling someone who wants something "oh it's not as good as you think" but they really want it. They were raised to achieve that goal in life. to get married. Maybe their marriage will be better. Would you rather not have gotten married?

4/01/2005 09:51:00 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

If this blog has become too much for you, stop. I'd miss it personally, and I think it's a shame for you to give up this outlet. Blogging has taught me many things and most of all, that comments can be the one thing holding your sanity intact when very bad things happen, far more than anything IRL. If you don't disclose details abt yoruself you should be safe. You don't need to use it as a dating service. But again, whatever you decide to do. I selfishly know what I want.

4/01/2005 12:14:00 PM  
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