No Good Choices
I go to work and all day I think about sex. Well OK not all day, just whenever my mind is not occupied with something else. If I thought about Torah half as much as I think about sex . . . I don’t know. I would know a lot of Torah I suppose. When I meet an attractive man I think only about what it would feel like to have my hands in his hair. I have no coherent thoughts when a handsome man is nearby. I particularly am taken by a man who works on my floor who is so very attractive. When he walks by I can feel my body temperature rise by several degrees, but of course I say nothing because what can I say? He is not even Jewish. He is a WASP from Indiana.
Sometimes it is not about sex I fantasize about but rather about affection, and I fantasize about holding a man’s hand when I am walking around outside. I will go places for Shabbos and secretly envision a man who loves me sitting next to me at the Shabbos table. I just want him to be there.
A close girlfriend once said to me “_______, you need to get laid.” She meant it half mockingly and half seriously. It is true that I am so wound up . . . what was that line in Ferris Bueller? . . . well, anyway, I am very wound up. But it is like that song, “I can’t get no satisfaction”. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to go offer myself to a man I hardly know? I want to be caressed and I want to be held tight and I want to be made love to, but I do not want to be cheap.
I want to be in a good relationship and then maybe, if the man feels similar about being Shomer Negiah as I do - get the caresses and the hugs. I want to get married and then have sex. What if that never happens? What if it happens when I am 50 and meanwhile I have wasted all the years of being young? As I already have? I have no good choices. I am trapped.
Sometimes it is not about sex I fantasize about but rather about affection, and I fantasize about holding a man’s hand when I am walking around outside. I will go places for Shabbos and secretly envision a man who loves me sitting next to me at the Shabbos table. I just want him to be there.
A close girlfriend once said to me “_______, you need to get laid.” She meant it half mockingly and half seriously. It is true that I am so wound up . . . what was that line in Ferris Bueller? . . . well, anyway, I am very wound up. But it is like that song, “I can’t get no satisfaction”. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to go offer myself to a man I hardly know? I want to be caressed and I want to be held tight and I want to be made love to, but I do not want to be cheap.
I want to be in a good relationship and then maybe, if the man feels similar about being Shomer Negiah as I do - get the caresses and the hugs. I want to get married and then have sex. What if that never happens? What if it happens when I am 50 and meanwhile I have wasted all the years of being young? As I already have? I have no good choices. I am trapped.
posted by Shomer Negiah at 3/02/2005 07:29:00 AM
10 Comments:
"...that if you stuck a piece of coal us his @ss, in twenty minutes(?) you'd have a diamond."
I don't necessarily think you need to get laid, but the built-up pressure may lead you to do things you regret one day...and that is a sort of explosion.
From Nice Jewish Girl
Yes, that is the quote. :-)
Yes, I worry I might do something that I would regret.
What can I do to defuse the built-up pressure as you call it? I cannot hire a man to kiss and cuddle. I cannot wear a t-shirt that says please kiss me. I am at the mercy of who I am set up with and fate and neither of those look too good right now.
Self love is the most fullfilling kind
Life is not a fantasy...just get married and have kids. or at least have kids before it's too late.
I have no advice to offer. I agree with Shanna. I am heartbroken for you and hope you find a solution that you can live with, it's obvious you are at the end of your tether.
"Anonymous said...
Life is not a fantasy...just get married and have kids. or at least have kids before it's too late.
3/29/2005 10:14:24 PM"
This is a very cruel thing to say - I am SURE this is something on her mind 24 hours a day and she doesn't need someone to rub it in her face. Before I got married (at a "late" age - after 30) I was told by a shadchan that "you should be married by now" (when I was 27) Duh, no this never occured to me.
Same in this case here - I am sure this Nice Jewish Girl KNOWS that her goal is to be possibly married & have kids and that 'time is a ticking'. It is very painful and emotionally devastating not to have found your beshert and to have kids. Give this woman a break.
Please don't take this as a flip comment.
A good way to deal with this is to invest in a good feminine pleasure appliance (aka a vibrator).
This way, you can explore your sexuality without having to sleep with random men. You can fantasize about that cute WASP from Indiana, imagine you are with him and be satisfied. As far as I know (and I am no scholar) this is NOT against Halachah.
A machine will never replace the love of a real man, but it's WAY better than what a lot of people do out here (hooking up/sleeping with people they hardly know, don't love and don't care about) or stewing in your own juices like this for years and years on end.
If you take this route, then when you do get married, you will be more aware of your body and what you need to be satisfied than many women who have been sexually active for years. I have heard that it's not uncommon for women, even women who are/have been married or active with a lot of men, to rarely and even never really climax. Or if they do they don't do so for the first time until their 40s.
Women, single or not, need to be more proactive in bringing themselves satisfaction.
I do realize, however, that walking into a sex shop to buy the appliance might present ma'arit ayin and/or tznius issues. Therefore, let me recommend Toys in Babeland, a sex shop geared towards women in New York and I believe also Seattle. They have a website you can order from. Just type the name into Google and it should come up.
Bah, all of you fuckers need to shut up, she needs a nice big cock up her pussy, not poor excuses.
Thats all, Vote Nader.
wow . im a jewish guy . are you in ny and when could we meet ? to see if we click . and anyway maybe i know somebody for you .
Shalom ,, hi there . im from AUSTRALIA , read yr article , and just like to say 1
go out more for dates ,,
2
come to oz town and see me
3
yes im 50 , probably to ols for u but hey i have seen worse
4
no worries about if yr good or not ,practice makes perfect
5
im a sincere bloke who has been in yeshivah and kibbutz , treats women with yirat simayim
6 offers friendship and love
ivanklein48@yahoo.com.au
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